Dinner Rules

After our dinner with the Le Bihan family on Saturday night, I spent some more time reading my book about French culture, French or Foe? There's nothing quite like reading about all the faux pas you've made after the fact.

Today at lunch I had a discussion with my colleagues about the rules I learned. "So many rules", I whined. "But it's all common sense!" Hervé argued.

Here are some examples:

• Don't bring flowers - it puts the hostess at an inconvenience to look for a vase. Hervé disagrees with this one. He thinks my book is a little over my head.

• Flower rules: no chrysanthemums (for funerals), carnations, or red roses (for romance). Flowers must be an odd number, and yellow roses are a suggestion to the hostess that her husband is cheating.

• Don't bring wine - it suggests the host can't be trusted to choose the wine for the evening and makes him feel obliged to serve yours. Hervé also disagrees with this one.

• Keep your hands on the table. For the rest of the world it's polite to keep your hands on your lap when you're not eating, but for the French hidden hands mean that they're up to trouble. I understand that this is old fashioned rule for showing that you don't have a gun.

• Don't cut your salad, fold. This is left over from when all knives were made of silver and the metal reacted with the salad dressing, leaving a bad taste.

• When offered cheese, don't cut off the tip. The cheese must retain its shape.

• Cheeses must be offered in odd numbers.

• When eating bread, don't bite off. You must tear off a small piece and put the whole bit in your mouth.

• Only two kinds of food can be picked up with your fingers: bread and asparagus. Everything else - fruit, fries- must be eaten with utensils.

• When toasting, maintain eye contact and do not cross the arms of another toast.

I'm pretty sure I was guilty of breaking at least a few of these rules last Saturday night. I groaned and said "I'm never eating with the French again."

Alfredo said "Well it's too late for that."

Hervé said "Keep your hands on the table!"